I Am Not There, I Did Not Die
by olivetree1
Summary: Oneshot. I can't really describe what this is about, but I'll try. It takes place when Summer, now aged 14, is visiting her mother's grave. Deals with her feelings towards her mother and towards her family in general. R&R.


**I Am Not There, I Did Not Die.**

**DISCLAIMER:** The only things I own here are Corey, Leonard and Summer's mother. The poem at the beginning of the story, one of my favourites, belongs to someone else.

**A/N: **Okay, my summary sucked. Here's a slightly better one. This is my first School of Rock fanfic. It's a one-shot about what Summer feels when her mother dies. The title came from the last line of the poem. Although it doesn't say, I would think that she's around 14 years old. In case you're interested, I'm currently writing another School of Rock one-shot and a School of Rock fanfic. But until I finish those and put them up, please R&R.

* * *

_Do not stand at my grave and weep.  
I am not there, I do not sleep.  
  
_

_I am a thousand winds that blow.  
I am the diamond glints on snow.  
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.  
I am the gentle autumn rain.  
  
_

_When you awaken in the mornings hush,  
I am the swift uplifting rush  
of quiet birds in circled flight,  
I am the soft stars that shine at night.  
  
_

_Do not stand at my grave and cry,  
I am not there, I did not die_.

Summer read the engraved message on the tombstone, which bore itself just under her mother's name and the years of her birth and death. Underneath the poem was a message which Summer's older brother had chosen.

_A dearly missed wife and mother. In our hearts always, we will never forget you_

Summer had never known her father, Leonard, although Corey, her brother, had some vague memories of him. He had left when Summer was only a few months old. Summer had been bought up to believe that her father had been killed in a car crash, but when she was nine, Corey had told her the truth.­

**_Flashback_**

_"He ran away. Jut went out to work one day and never came back," Corey said_.

_"What? No way – he died in a car crash … that's what Mom said," Summer protested. Corey shook his head sadly at his little sister. He was fifteen, six years older than Summer._

_"Mom lied to you Summer. I was there – I remember it. Mom was looking out the living room window, waiting for him to come back. He never did. He left his mobile phone on the kitchen table, and all he took with him was a change of clothes, some money, and his car. He ran away." He didn't want to hurt his sister, but he wanted her to know the truth. And if his mom wasn't going to tell her, then he was. The only trouble was that Summer refused to believe it._

_She shook her head slowly, taking half a step back as Corey stepped forwards towards her. "No," she whispered. "No, no, no … you're lying. You're always lying. He died in a car crash, Corey … HE DIED IN A CAR CRASH!" she cried out as Corey put his arm around her. She pushed him away and ran to the door. "HE DIED IN A CAR CRASH AND YOU KNOW IT!" She turned and ran outside, slamming the front door behind her._

_Even then, at the age of nine, she knew that he was right. No-one in the family spoke of her father, and no-one had told her any details of how her father had 'died'. She knew that Corey was right, and she had suspected it for a few weeks ever since she had caught her mother gazing adoringly at a picture of her father whispering 'Why did you leave me? Why did you go?'_

_She had asked Corey what she had meant, and he had said that by 'go' their mother had meant 'die', but later, after the conversation, he had promised himself to tell her the truth._

**_End flashback_**

Summer gazed at the tombstone a moment longer, appreciating the delicate, artistic swirls engraved at opposite corners of the white marble and the soft layer of dew that lay on the top of it. Summer stepped closer to the gravestone, being careful not to step on the earth in front of it, where her mother lay, and ran a finger along the marble, knocking the dew to the ground. She turned and walked over to the path.

The path, which began at the main entrance gate to the cemetery, was one of several which ran right around the grounds, weaving its way between patches of gravestones. Summer walked along it for about half an hour, looking at all the different gravestones and thinking about her mother.

She had never really known her mother that well. Since Summer was nine years old, her mother had been pre-occupied with her father. Just after Leonard left, Summer's mother would 'forget' to make the dinner or 'forget' to call home and say she would be working late. After a while, Summer got used to it and started making her own tea, which, at the age of ten, consisted of nothing but pizza and chips. When Summer was twelve, her mother started drinking heavily. Corey was away from home, so Summer would have to take care of her mother and look after the house while all of her friends played outside and had fun. Her mother got some professional help. But even after a year of counseling, the problem had still not gone away.

A few weeks ago, Summer had come home one day to find the house empty …

_**Flashback**_

_"Mom?" Summer called as she pushed the door open. "Mom?" No reply – not even a drunken grunt from the living room. "Anybody?" Silence._

_Summer went into the kitchen and took a cola out of the fridge, expecting to see a note attached to a magnet. There was none. There wasn't one on the kitchen table, either. Summer went upstairs, thinking that perhaps her mother had gone up there to sleep off her hangover. When she got there, however, the bed was empty._

_She was starting to get anxious. Her mother never went out in the day, and if she did then surely one of the neighbors would have told her – it wasn't everyday that one saw Mrs. Hathaway staggering drunkenly down the street, waving a bottle of vodka in one hand and a smoldering cigarette poking out from between her chapped lips._

_"MOM?" Summer tried once more, but in vain. The house stood as silent as it had when she first arrived home. Desperate now, Summer looked into every room of their three-bedroom house, even checking in the basement. She thought of calling Corey, but he was too far away to be of any real help to her. Summer returned to the kitchen and her eyes caught sight of the hook where the garage door keys were normally kept._

_It was empty._

_The keys to the garage were missing … and so was her mother. Quickly putting two and two together, Summer ran outside and to the doors of their garage. Holding her breath, she wrenched open the door, hating the smell that came from inside. It was the smell of dried blood, mixed with the familiar odor of alcohol. Summer was sure she could smell vomit in there, too, although she wasn't quite sure._

_She stepped further into the room, her hand reaching for the light switch, but dreading what she would see when she flicked the switch. Taking another deep breath, she pressed down on the switch and the light came on, flickering slightly as it did so. A sight met Summer that she wished she had never seen._

_Her mother was hanging from the rafters in the garage, a rope tight around her neck. Below her was a chair, toppled over and resting on its back; and looking towards the right of the garage, Summer saw a couple of bottles of beer, and nearby there was a pool of vomit. Summer stood stationary for a moment, and then ran, screaming from her house._

_She ran out into the road, crying out at the top of her lungs for someone to help her. A couple of curtains twitched, but no one came to her. She ran towards school, where Freddy lived. She rapped on the door, still screaming. He answered almost immediately._

_"Summer? Summer, what's wrong?" he asked her._

_"My mom … sh-sh-she's … she's g-gone. She's in … in th-the g-g-garage, and sh-she's –"_

_"What? Summer calm down," Freddy tried. Summer only shook her head, choking slightly on her tears as she tried to talk._

_"Freddy, she's … she's g-g-gone. In th-the garage, she …" Summer tried again. Her shoulders shook with sobs, the back of her throat hurting because of the tears. Summer just put her head onto Freddy's shoulder and cried, not caring what he (or anyone else) might think, only needing someone to talk to. Freddy nervously patted Summer's back._

_He knew she was upset, anyone could see that, and all he could do was stand there and try and comfort her. After about a minute, he pulled away from her and pulled her inside. His mom wasn't back from work yet, so he was safe having visitors around. He made Summer a hot drink and sat down opposite her, watching as she drank it._

_"She's gone … I came back from school and she wasn't there … in the garage …" Summer tried to explain, but it was too difficult. Freddy simply sat there, looking at her with concern as her shaking hands gripped the mug. "She killed herself," Summer whispered, so softly that Freddy barely heard it._

_She just sat there, saying the words over and over in her head, hoping they would go away. Freddy sat down on the arm of her chair and put an arm round Summer's shoulders. She leant against him, pleased and thankful to have someone there. She turned her face towards his._

_"She killed herself, Freddy. Why would she do that to me? Was I really that bad? Freddy, what am I going to do? She killed herself … she's gone," Summer waffled, not really paying attention to what she was saying. Freddy tried to smile, but it was too hard for him after seeing the state Summer was in. He just kept a supportive arm on her shoulders and prayed that she would stop crying._

_After about an hour, Freddy agreed to go with Summer to her garage. He called the police, Zack and Katie, and together they started to clear up the garage. The police organized for Summer to live with her aunt, who lived nearby. She stayed at Katie's that night, and moved in with her aunt a week later._

_At school, she became quiet and reserved; the school nurse suggested counseling, but Summer refused. After school, Summer would sometimes walk down to her old house and sit outside on the wall until it got dark, and then she would walk to her aunt's house. She took the day off school to go to her mother's funeral and when she returned, she seemed happier and more confident. She took on her duties at the School of Rock, which Dewey had kindly taken over for her. Although on the surface, the 'old Summer' was back, the rest of the band knew better._

**_End Flashback_**

Now Summer was walking round the cemetery, a month after her mother's funeral. It had been raining the previous night, and the ground was covered in a thin layer of moisture. Summer returned to the bus stop to go home after one last look at her mother's grave. She blinked back her tears as the bus pulled up in front of her.

"Bye mom," she whispered.

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**A/N: **Okay, the ending was really weak but it's all I could think of without adding any storyline to it. I hope you liked it, but I don't mind if you didn't. As I always say, I don't mind flames – if you hated it, let me know (I bet some people are really sick of hearing me say that … lol) Look out for another School of Rock one-shot, which I'm in the process of writing, and possibly a School of Rock fanfic as soon as I get an ending sorted out for it. I've also recently posted an IT fanfic in the Stephen King section of BOOKS and in the IT film section. Well, that's all. R&R 


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